Your Wife Never Initiates Intimacy? Find Out How To “Fix” Her

If your wife never initiates intimacy, the most important thing you need to do is figure out if this is a real problem for you or not.

Because one thing needs to be clear: if lack of sexual initiative from your wife is such a big problem that it could threaten your marriage, I’m sure that is not the only one problem you and your wife have. In other words, if you are in a strong marriage with great communication, you can easily talk to your wife about how you feel about your intimacy together. Chances are she will understand and may even make an effort to initiate sex (if she doesn’t already). But if more serious issues are underlying, your intimacy with your wife might be compromised beyond the issues of who’s initiating sex.

In this article I will break down the reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy and things you can do to help her understand why this is important to you. Lastly, I will share with you a proven method to turn on your wife and to make her initiate sex more often.

Related: 6 Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore

The reason why your wife never initiates intimacy

First of all, when did this lack of initiative start? Let’s first go through all the possible scenarios involved. There are three main possibilities.

If she used to initiate intimacy before and then stopped all of a sudden, it is clear that something happened that made her change her approach to having sex with you. It could be something that happened between the two of you, or something that has to do with herself only. It’s up to you if you want to dig deeper into this. It could be something extremely personal, or something that does need to be discussed for the health of your marriage.

If she never had initiative in the bedroom, well then what you are asking of her, essentially, is to change the way she has sex with you. Women are naturally more restrained than men when it comes to sex and intimacy. This could be due to reasons linked to their cultural background, upbringing or education. With all these factors at play, it is difficult to determine why your wife never initiates sex with you. If sexual initiative is a big thing for you, perhaps your spouse and you are not fully compatible. This is why is important to put enough effort into knowing your partner before marriage. It’s never too late though, and your wife might learn how to create a better sexual connection with you if your communication with her is good enough.

The third and most common possibility is that your wife used to initiate intimacy with you from time to time, maybe when you were first dating, and then her initiative decreased gradually over time, usually after tying the knot. This is something that happens quite often, and is one of the reasons why people that have false expectations of marriage end up disappointed by it.

Sometimes women change the way they approach sex with their husbands to accommodate different needs such as taking care of the children, pursue a career, or simply because the relationship has taken a different turn, not necessarily for the worse.

People change a lot throughout their life, and what once might have seemed exciting or natural, can become boring or awkward later on. While sex is important in a marriage, relationships are not just about sex, let alone about who initiates it first.

Hence, before proposing a solution to a complex problem such as why your wife never initiates sex, I’d like to ask you a question that has equally important implications: is this lack of initiative, regardless of when it manifested, accompanied by lack of affection and care for each other? If the answer is yes, it is clear that you should focus on these issues first, and try to solve them as quickly as possible. Once you and your spouse have pinpointed the source of this issue and learned how to solve it, problems such as sexual initiative will sort themselves out naturally.

If, however, you feel like your deep feelings for each other are unaltered, you can try the following things to help your wife kicking it off once in a while.

Things you can do if you wife never initiates intimacy

1.Tell her – Obviously, the first thing I would do is telling her. Especially if you and your wife have always been open about this topic, it won’t be a problem to tell her how you feel about it. You and your wife should act like two close friends when solving intimacy issues,

Forget about whether she was doing it before or not. She’s not the same person as she was years ago. Tell her: “It would be nice if you started things out in bed once in a while. It would make me feel excited, and rest assured that I won’t judge you for doing it”. Who knows, she might have been secretly thinking about it, but was afraid that you could judge her for begin too “forward”. Sometimes women can be complex when it comes to sex, and about the way that they want men to perceive them as sexual beings.

2. Focus on yourself more – If talking with her doesn’t have the desired results, don’t despair! Focus your attention more on yourself and on your own life outside of her. Give her a little more space, and spend more times with your friends or pursuing your hobbies. Don’t ignore her or freeze your intimacy, but try to play a bit hard to get to see if this triggers a reaction in her, following up on what you told her. She could interpret your changed attitude as a sign that initiating sex is important for you. She might be willing to try initiating sex so that she can bring you closer. But be aware that this could be a flash in the pan as she might be doing it just to restore that closeness and not because she really wants to. The spark of initiative will subside as soon as things will go back to normal.

3. Realize that perhaps this is not the real problem – Before you think that “something’s wrong with her” and that “it’s not normal”, consider this:

78% of men initiate sex more than half of the time, and only about 30% of men and women initiate sex equally.

So, if your wife never initiates intimacy, you’re definitely not alone. But is this such a big problem that you should reconsider your marriage? While that’s totally up to you, let me tell you something:

If none of the advice above make sense to you, or they just don’t work (they most probably won’t) you will need to step up your game to save your marriage.

Related: How To Seduce Your Wife Again

The secret to make your wife initiate sex

I’ll be honest: as a man and husband myself I do like when my wife initiates intimacy from time to time. It makes me feel appreciated, desired… It shows that she has real feelings for me, and it makes me trust that my marriage is going great.

But what if she initiated sex most of the time, or even all the time? Perhaps I wouldn’t like it that much anymore, as it would lose its “once in a while” special value (but that’s just me).

One thing is sure though: I would be worried if she never initiated sex, and I would want to find out why this happens. Now, is my wife’s sexual initiative the only one thing that makes me feel satisfied with my marriage?  Of course not. And if there’s love and trust in your marriage as well, I’m sure you and your wife can and will work together to light the fire of passion, regardless of who’s the fire-starter!

But, let’s face it: wouldn’t it be nice if she did initiate sex spontaneously every now and then? Wouldn’t make you feel better? More confident, more satisfied, more fulfilled…

You might be wondering if there’s a secret technique that I know and you don’t that I use to make my wife initiate intimacy with me? The answer, of course is: no, there isn’t a real technique, as I don’t believe that a one-size-fits-all formula could be applied to every married man’s sexual life. However, there is a certain “approach” that you can try and that could help you read your wife’s sexual mind and to use it in your favor to make her want you, and keep her coming for more.

See, the problem is, us men are taught wrong notions on what really turns women on. Society has led us to believe that women like when we buy them stuff  such as flowers or expensive jewelry, and even that doing so would revive a sex-dead marriage… This is a huge issue not only because it doesn’t work (as you probably already know from experience), but also because it’s clearly just a psychological trick that big companies use so that you can spend your cash and they can make more money!

The truth is, women are not turned on when men buy them gifts or treat them to expensive dinners. The only way you can make your wife want you more is by learning her sexual language and starting using it right now to talk with her everyday. The good news is, you already have the key to unlock her libido. You only have to learn how to use it, and that’s actually not as hard as you think once you know the right doors to open.

Related: What Your Wife Really Wants: The Secrets No One Ever Tells You

I have researched extensively all the online resources available for married men looking to restore the passion and the intimacy in their marriage, and I recommend the one below, which in my opinion is the most effective and the one with the highest success rate. This simple method has already helped thousands of men building a great, long-lasting sexual connection with their wife.