Sexless Marriage: The Shocking Truth (And How To Fix it)
"Personally, I know nothing about sex, because I've always been married"
~Zsa Zsa Gabor, Hungarian-American actress
Discussed in this article:
- Coping with a sexless marriage.
- Sexless marriage divorce rate.
- Sexless marriage advice for men.
- Sexless marriage advice for women
- Living in a sexless marriage.
- Can a sexless marriage survive.
- How to fix a sexless marriage.
- Reasons for sexless marriage
Sexless marriage: a growing problem
When I first started this blog, the last thing I would have imagined is that sexless marriage would have been the number 1 problem married couples face these days, that can actually threaten their marriage.
And frankly, this comes hardly as a surprise, given the way sexuality has transformed and changed dramatically over the years, to become the number 1 source of marriage problems that it is today, as never before.
But who is to blame for this sexless epidemic? Husbands? Wives? Pornography? Feminism?
Well, let's just say that it's not THAT simple.
There are different factors to analyze to understand how sexuality has impacted relationships and contributed to the surge in sexless marriages that we are seeing today.
Couples living in a sexless marriage describe it as a "living hell" or a "nightmare" from which it seems hopeless trying to escape.
It is usually also a very unfair situation, where only one of the two partners suffers, while the other is either in denial or playing the blaming game.
In this article, I'll dig deeper into the sensitive topic of sexless marriages, offering an all-round view of the problem, and an actionable solution for your individual case.
1. Living in a sexless marriage: can a sexless marriage survive?
Let me begin by defining what a sexless marriage actually is.
A sexless marriage, also known as mariage blanc, is defined as a marital union where little or no sexual activity occurs between the two partners.
It is estimated that 15% to 20% of married couples in the U.S. are in a sexless marriage, and that a staggering 10% of U.S. married couples under 50 years of age have not engaged in any sexual activity during the past year.
But the worrying fact is that studies are showing that sexless marriage are on the rise, and that even millennials are having less sex than their parents.
Now, before we start diving deeper into the causes of a sexless marriage let me clarify one very important thing.
It has to do with the true meaning of intimacy.
In problematic sexless marriages there is a lack of intimacy which involves not only sexual activity but affects also the level of affection and non-sexual emotional connection between the two partners.
While most people’s definition of intimacy revolves around the act of pleasuring one another in a physical capacity, intimacy has a much wider identity and impact.
The emotional satisfaction deriving from intimate acts such as intercourse and other sexual activities is crucial for the emotional well-being in a marriage, but is not the only element that characterizes the strength of an union.
Regardless of the root cause, a lack of intimacy can be subconsciously interpreted as neglect, which eventually escalates to self-blame for the partner’s lack of affection.
The result is often a feeling of low self-esteem, bitterness, and guilt, which sometimes can even trigger a state of depression.
Ultimately, a marriage without intimacy is inevitably destined to fail. As much as some spouses strongly believe that they can still be together even if intimacy of any kind is off the table, the cracks begin to show sooner or later.
Unless otherwise specified, when I refer to "intimacy" in this article I am referring to any type of intimacy that DOES involve sexual activities.
2. Timeline of a sexless marriage: Does a marriage turn sexless gradually or suddenly?
When approaching a sexless marriage to look for a solution, one of the most important questions to ask is: when did this started?
As I ask this question, I can only get three possible answers:
1) Gradually. One of the most common sexless marriage scenarios. When newly wed or before marriage the intimacy levels are high or what you consider "normal". But after a few years or even months into the marriage the frequency (and quality) of the intimacy decreases. Then, year after year, intimacy continues to fade, almost unnoticeably, until the moment it disappears completely from the marriage. The interesting thing about this situation is that, more often than not, when intimacy levels are 0, couples are not even aware that the problem exists until it is pointed out by one of the partners. This is because it has become "the norm" for them not to engage in intimate moments any longer. Additionally, one of the two partners is usually in denial that the problem even exists, which makes the matter even more frustrating for their spouse.
It is important to point out that, in many cases, this type of sexless marriage does not constitute a problem for either of the partners, as they both keep living a loving and happy marriage despite the lack of sexual intimacy. In other words, in some cases, it is normal and perhaps natural for a marriage to turn sexless with the course of time. This can be the result of aging, deteriorating physical health, as well as natural decreasing interest in sexual activity, which is replaced by new hobbies, or the birth of children or grandchildren that take up much of the time that was once free to pursue intimacy.
That being said, however, in many unions the intimacy drops far too soon into the marriage (albeit gradually), and for reasons that cannot be attributed to aging or physical health, as these are often young or middle-aged couples. In this case, the sexless marriage becomes a serious problem causing frustration and suffering for one or both partners.
2) Suddenly. In this particular type of situation, intimacy levels were high or normal during the marriage, until a specific (or unspecific) event causes a drastic drop in intimacy frequency and/or quality, in some cases irreversibly.
Childbirth is one of the most cited event that accounts for many young marriages turning sexless suddenly, and in certain cases never recovering back to pre-baby levels.
In such marriages, one of two partners is usually complaining about the lack of intimacy while the other is either in denial, or goes as far as blaming the other partner for being immature, for expressing the desire for intimacy while "more important things" such as taking care of the babies are of higher priority.
Tragic events or serious traumas can also turn a healthy marriage into a sexless union unexpectedly, and sometimes, permanently.
3) It's always been sexless. Lastly, one of the surprising truths of sexless unions is that intimacy has never been present or particularly high on the list for the sexless couple.
Often, in such cases the couple was sexless even before marriage. Such situations are not uncommon, and as it happens, the partners have both agreed to proceed with the marriage on this basis. In this case, the couple is usually not interested in sexual relations within the marriage, and they mutually decided to pursue intimacy in other forms (the so-called platonic love), or even solely with people outside of the marriage. Problems arise if one of the two partners change their mind on this arrangement, and tries to convince the other to have an intimate life.
However, the most common of these sexless marriage scenario which have "always been sexless" occurs when one of the two partners is not aware of the fact that their spouse has sexual problems or is not interested in having an intimate life with them. This is why is important to consider living together with the future spouse before marriage or even have a few premarital counseling sessions before tying the knot.
3. Causes Of A Sexless Marriage: How Does A Marriage Turn Sexless?
In the first instance, let's take a look at the possible causes of sexless marriages from a more general perspective. I will then go deeper into each one of those and examine them from the perspective of both men and women, separately.
Usually, two are the main types of causes for reducing sexual intimacy in a marriage: physical causes and psychological causes.
It's important to remember that those can be applied to both genders, and can also act in combination, feeding into each other in a vicious circle from which is harder and harder to escape as the years go passing by.
Physical problems are usually associated with age, illness or lack of sex drive, and may include male impotence or a variety of female health and hormonal problems that affect reproductive systems. These physical problems can cause also cause pain or anxiety, as a partner will reject their lover to avoid the pressure of having to solve the issues. It is also very common for couples to lose their intimacy after childbirth, which is responsible for various physical changes especially in a woman's body, and psycho-emotional changes in both partners.
Psychological problems are much more difficult to identify unequivocally as they can originate from a huge variety of different sources and are caused by many factors. In addition, physical causes such as, for example, male impotence, can also be responsible for triggering psychological problems, stress and anxiety.
When a physical cause can be ruled out, psychological issues causing sexless marriages usually stem from dissatisfaction from within the marriage, or may also be linked to individual psychological issues which affects one or both partners separately.
Psychological causes of a sexless marriage include:
- Resentment over past arguments, actions, or any deeply buried unresolved issues
- Sexual abuse (recent or past)
- Severe body image issues with themselves
- Body image issues with their partner
- Sheer exhaustion (mentally and physically)
- General dissatisfaction with sex (deriving from physical or psychological sources)
- Loss of feelings for the partner
- Loss of sexual attraction for the partner.
Important: there might be many more reasons than those listed above to explain why a marriage goes from being "hot and steamy" to "icy cold" in the bedroom department. Ultimately, only you and your partner know the real reason why this has happened and whether you really want to change things.
Reasons for a sexless marriage: Summary of sexless marriage causes
The table below summarizes the most likely physical and psycho-emotional causes for sexless marriages in both men and women, based on the sexless marriage timeline.
When did it start?
Impotence or low libido
Cultural or education factors; issues in sexual sphere; sexual abuse
Cultural or education factors; issues in sexual sphere; sexual abuse
Age-related low libido or impotence
Childbirth or age-related hormonal changes
Loss of attraction or feelings; dissatisfaction
Loss of feelings; dissatisfaction; emotional conflicts
Childbirth; traumatic event
Childbirth; traumatic event
Let's now dive deeper into the most likely causes of a sexless marriage, and analyze them from both the husband and the wife's perspective.
I have also included a few important actionable words of advice relative to each scenario.
4. Sexless Marriage Advice For Women
Contrary to popular belief, in many sexless unions it's the man/ husband responsible (directly or indirectly) for the reduction or absence of intimacy.
Excluding serious underlying health issues or simple temporary fatigue or temporary illness, when in a sexless marriage the husband is primarily responsible for the loss or lack of intimacy, there can only be 2 causes:
1) Physical causes: impotence or low libido
2) Psycho-emotional causes: loss of feelings or sexual attraction for the wife
Let's go through each one of them in more detail, and explore how to approach the issue from a wife's perspective
1) Physical Causes: Impotence or low libido
Testosterone, the main sex hormone, is mainly responsible for libido in men. Testosterone naturally declines with age, hence a decreasing interest in sexual activity is expected as a man grows older. However, some men suffer from low testosterone, and might find even more difficult to experience desire for intimacy or achieve and maintain an erection. It is important to consider low testosterone as a medical problem that should be treated as such. Low testosterone can also be caused by more serious medical problems such as diabetes or thyroidal issues. It can also be exacerbated by alcohol and drug consumption, smoking, depression, stress and anxiety.
It is advised to engage in regular exercise, eat healthily and avoid libido-suppressing foods (such as fat foods) and alcohol or drugs for maintaining a high libido.
In some other cases, somehow very common, perfectly healthy men suffer from impotence only due to psychological issues. It is not easy to pin down the issue underlying this type of impotence, as there can be multiple causes, including those related to a man's upbringing, education and personal circumstances.
Many solutions, both natural and pharmaceutical, are now available over the counter for men who suffer from low libido and erectile dysfunction.
However, it is important that the wife does not force or manipulate an unwilling husband into using drugs to treat erectile dysfunction. The husband needs to make the final decision as to whether considering this solution before trying natural methods, as he would likely end up being dependent on pharmaceuticals to perform sexually (not to mention the various dangerous side effects that come with it).
Sexless marriage advice for wives when husband suffers from impotence
In general, it is a crucial for wives, and women in general, to understand the psychological impact that impotence has on a man. For most men, having a high libido and being able to achieve and maintain an erection is at the very root of what makes a man "a man".
It is of vital importance that the wife does not blame the husband for such problem or, worse, act selfishly about it, interpreting the husband's impotence as a consequence of something related to herself (appearance, behavior, etc.).
Be it physical or psychological, impotence is a serious problem that needs to be addressed as any other medical problem. Care, patience and understanding are needed on both sides to solve it, and there should be no place for passive-aggressive behavior or blaming games.
2) Psycho-emotional causes: Loss of feelings or sexual attraction
When impotence is ruled out, the only possible explanation for a husband withholding intimacy from his wife is loss of feelings or sexual attraction for her. There are many signs to watch for when a man is losing attraction or feelings for his wife.
Sometimes, this can be a temporary situation, due to life's changing circumstances, including childbirth or stress related to work or other family issues. In other instances, a man can become interested in some particular activity or hobby that diverts his attention from the couple's intimacy and that takes his energy away from the marriage. Through good communication, such situation can be easily solved and the intimacy restored back to normal levels. However, in other cases, the situation is not recoverable, and the couple should find the courage to talk this through openly, and act promptly to save the marriage before it's too late.
Naturally, a man might lose sexual attraction for his wife as time goes by, and it is generally true that events such as childbirth, or even just aging, can compromise a woman's appearance due to naturally changing hormones in the body.
It is important that a woman always strives to look her best for her husband, despite challenging circumstances.
Likewise, a real man should always put an effort to appreciating the woman at his side even (and especially) in unfavorable circumstances and to try to reignite his attraction for her should he feel that the flame starts fading away.
A man who loses attraction for his wife might resort to pornography, which can also play a key, often devastating role in a sexless marriage. It is important to evaluate the negative impact that pornography use can have on a man's libido. While pornography in itself does not constitute a huge risk for a marriage's health, when abused it can be damaging to a couple's intimacy in the long-term due to various negative effects that has on a man's brain.
Lastly, a man who no longer loves his wife or no longer finds her attractive, might resort to cheating. Cheating is one of the most damaging event in a relationship, and especially a marriage. There is no excuse for a husband who cheats on his wife as soon as his sexual attraction for her is lost, even though he might still have feelings for her.
This can only be prevented through high awareness and anticipation on both sides, which can be achieved by carefully watching out for red flags, such as absence, lack of intimacy and lack of communication. If something feels wrong, it is important to act promptly and decisively, before irreparable damage is caused.
Sexless marriage advice for wives when husband loses feelings or interest
If you see one of the 6 red flags that your husband doesn't love you anymore (lack of interest, absence, lack of intimacy, fewer calls, fewer compliments and fewer expressions of feelings), it's time to do something. In fact, if you see more than 3 of these 6 signs, it's probably already too late!
Make sure you don't confront him on this issues right away, or he might feel an increased pressure and, as a result, pull away from you even more. The truth is that these issues rarely arise suddenly, and your best chance to solve them is to identify what might have caused the issue in the long term.
Take step back and focus on yourself and on the way YOU are with him (even though this might seem difficult to do now that your marriage and stability seems under threat).
Find new ways to remind him of how special is the woman that he married.
Make sure he understands that he might lose you if things do not change for the better, but, once again, do not put pressure on him or you would end up making things worse.
Ultimately, you cannot force someone to love you, even if this person is your husband and has sworn to do so. But love has its own ways to connect and re-connect two people. Unless things have been compromised beyond repair, it helps to be positive and keep a relaxed attitude. Bursts of anger, endless tears and acts of revenge won't certainly bode well for the marriage moving forward.
5. Sexless Marriage Advice For Men
Many marriages are sexless because the wife withdraws intimacy from the husband. This withdrawal can take on different forms, from simple lack of sexual initiative, to passive indifference, or all the way down to outright, active rejection.
When in a sexless marriage the wife is the primary source of intimacy loss, the causes can be multiple. Excluding serious underlying health issues or simple temporary fatigue or temporary illness, the most common ones include:
1) Physical causes: hormonal changes causing low libido
2) Psycho-emotional causes: conflicts in the sexual sphere
3) Psycho-emotional causes: Loss of feelings for husband or dissatisfaction
Let's go through each one of them in more detail, and explore how to approach the issue from a husband's perspective
1) Physical causes: hormonal changes or low libido
One of the most classic scenarios that leads to a sexless marriage. Excluding complex health issues, a change in hormonal balance is expected in a woman with age. However this doesn't necessarily mean lower libido. Actually, it is not uncommon for women to experience a higher sex drive as they get older and even during menopause.
Many women, nonetheless, experience a decrease in libido as they get older and on or after childbirth. This is, obviously, due to the changing hormone balance that the process or pregnancy ad childbirth entails, as well as other age-related changes. In such cases, it is not uncommon for women who are concerned about their marital intimate life to experiment with natural aphrodisiacs to ramp up their libido.
More recently, a new type of medicine has been approved for the treatment of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Similarly to what I have mentioned with regards to men, it is crucial that the impact and the consequences of taking drugs to treat lack of sexual desire are carefully considered. Neither of the two partners should ever act selfishly and force or manipulate the other into using these medicines.
Sexless marriage advice for husbands when wife lost her desire due to physical causes
This situation is fairly different from that when the husband suffers from impotence, because it is usually much more gradual and less evident. Even more so, after childbirth, when you're both all caught up with your new parents life, what happens to your wife's hormones is "diluted" and goes unnoticed for quite some time. Until you both realize you haven't had an intimate moment in weeks (or months).
Your marriage can be happy on all fronts, but when your wife loses her desire due to hormonal changes, you may start worrying that your intimate life is over. The truth is, if you are both willing to keep the marriage happy and healthy, nothing can harm your intimate life, especially if it's something merely physical.
As a husband, your only job is to reassure that you still find her attractive despite these changes, and help her explore the various options to restore the libido without pressuring or blaming her. It's important to act as a team in these situations, especially when the issue is merely physical and in many cases, absolutely natural.
2) Psycho-emotional causes: conflicts in the sexual sphere
Among the causes of sexless marriages, a wife's conflicts within her own psycho-emotional sphere is a very interesting one that needs to be investigated and analyzed to be properly understood. Two main factors may be responsible for emotional self-conflicts in women:
1. Biology (stronger emotional memory than men)
Due to women's brain structure, they tend to have a greater emotional memory then men. It is therefore more likely for a woman to experience emotional traumas and conflicts than can impact her intimate life later on to a certain degree. This may include episodes of abuse, or simply be related to education and cultural factors that trigger a negative emotional response within the sexual sphere in years to come.
Excluding a history of abuse or traumatic events, some of the usual suspects are related to the woman's relationship with her father. Unresolved past issues with her father can linger in a woman's emotional brain and affect her sexual relationship with her husband deeply.
An authoritarian or overprotective father might lead to a daughter feeling "guilty" about expressing her sexuality fully with a man. On the other hand, an absent and distant father might lead to an overly emotionally-dependent daughter who can also exhibit difficulties in being at ease in an intimate settings with men.
It is important to point out that this is something that may affect both genders, and it is indeed not uncommon for men to experience sexual issues because of their relationship with their mothers (or fathers) or for other cultural or education-related factors. However, besides the fact that women can have a stronger emotional memory, there are additional reasons why these self-related psychological causes can have a higher impact in women than in men.
2. Society (Loss of feminine sexual identity)
The role of women in our Western society has evolved drastically over time, and especially over the past century, when women have claimed and obtained their rights and opportunities to be equal to those of men on all fronts. While this has positively resulted in creating a more gender-equal society, it has also contributed in destabilizing the sexual dynamics between women and men.
3 reasons why this can be responsible for a sexless marriage
1. The workplace is increasingly masculine
Due to the the ever-increasing focus of the Western World on productivity and capitalism, Western society values competitiveness, ambition and drive to succeed, today more than ever.
With the exception perhaps of certain professions such as care practitioner, childcare, and nursing, many jobs today require a certain degree of assertiveness, ruthlessness, and even aggressiveness (think sales managers, lawyers, fitness instructors).
In other words, the workplace can be very "masculine" place, and a woman will need a certain level of "testosterone" which is the hormone responsible for the increase of activity in brain areas involved in threat processing and aggressive and competitive behavior. This is why men and especially the most masculine men, are usually, naturally successful in jobs that require these qualities.
Femininity, on the other hand, is characterized by a motherly-like attitude, and a caring, emphatic and receptive behavior. Perhaps is not a coincidence that most professions that involve taking care of others such as nursing, teaching, and child caring are typically held by women.
And this is also why a true woman, thanks to her qualities, is capable of turning a house into a home for her husband and children. A masculine man couldn't do it as well, simply because he lacks the motherly-like, caring traits that a woman naturally possess. More and more women are now working jobs which are far too competitive and testosterone-driven to bring to surface a woman's motherly instinct. If anything, this instinct is now discouraged or suppressed, to make space for man-like behaviors, which from the workplace may also be brought home.
2. Many women are now choosing career over family
Due to women equal opportunities, as well as financial reasons, young women are now being raised with the idea of being completely independent from men, so that their primary focus and priority is no longer to build a family and have children, but rather getting an education to compete with men on the job market. In addition, even older women whom were raised with traditional family values, and that were once housewives are now getting back to study and are entering the workplace, often in stressful, high-competitive jobs, in which they try, rightly so, to succeed as hard as men do.
Work takes time away from childcare and time spent caring for the husband, which in turn affects the female psycho-emotional sphere deeply. Spending as much time as possible with the child is fundamental for both the child's and the mother's physical and psychological health.
Similarly, it is important for a wife to dedicate enough time to make a home comfortable for the husband, and to take care of her own appearances, as this nurtures the sexual health in a marriage, because it establishes and reinforces the sexual dynamics, which would otherwise be compromised.
3) Men are also destabilized as a reaction to increasingly unfeminine qualities
Many women today are told to be independent and to be like men, equal to men, or even worse that they "don't need a man", but they are still biologically women. Don't you think this would create some conflict in a woman's psychology?
And in the long run, a man is not going to be attracted to a woman who competes with him, but to one who knows how to be a woman, and exhibits female behaviors and characteristics. In addition, a man subconsciously looks for and is sexually attracted to motherly-like features in a woman and a wife, as such woman will be a better mother for his children. This is a simple fact.
In societies where traditional gender roles are still preserved (such as South-Asian or some Eastern European societies) women are not exposed to testosterone-fueled workplaces (or any workplace whatsoever), and preserve their femininity without entering in a psycho-emotional self conflict. Sexless marriages are usually unheard of in those societies even though, admittedly, other issues might be present.
Sexless marriage advice for husbands when wife lost her desire due to psycho-emotional causes
One simple word of advice for all the men out there struggling with a wife with a problematic psychology and who lost her desire:
Don't be afraid to be a man.
In a world where many women are going through an identity crisis, the last thing you want to do is to add to that confusion.
Here's some fool-proof, easy-to-follow instructions. From man to man.
1. Be a leader in your marriage, especially in making decisions. Always make sure that she is running every major decision by you first.
2. Reinforce her femininity and sexuality by commenting positively on her woman-like qualities. Tell her how you like when she gets her hair or nails done, and other feminine qualities in her.
3. Reinforce her motherly and caring instinct by commenting positively on her mother-like qualities. Tell her how you like her cooking, and the way she has decorated the house, and they way she takes care of the children.
4. Make sure it is clear that both her feminine and mother-like attitude are an absolute must for you and for the marriage to keep going, and that this is the reason why you married her ultimately.
5. Don't forget to "show some muscle" from time to time and show off your physical strength, whether is outdoors or even in the bedroom. This can be a huge turn-on for some women.
6. In case she refuse sex, do not give up at the first "no". Maybe what she actually means is "not this way". Reinvent yourself and try different ways to turn her on. It could be that a little extra "roughness" might be required, or a little more romanticism.
Warning: Make sure she is 100% consensual with anything you have in mind before you try.
3. Psycho-emotional causes: loss of feelings or dissatisfaction
If neither physical causes nor self-conflict psycho-emotional reasons can explain why a wife has lost interest in having intimate moments with her husband, is probably because she has lost feelings for him or she is dissatisfied with her marriage.
Unsurprisingly, refusing intimacy ranks high on the list of signs to watch for when a wife has lost feelings for her husband, AND THESE SIGNS ARE QUITE OBVIOUS AND EASY TO SPOT.
To understand how and why this happens, the difference between men and women sexuality needs to be understood clearly.
While men sexuality is more visual, and simple, as it's linked to and what a man sees, women sexuality is more introspective and linked to what a woman feels, and specifically, how her man makes her feel, often outside of the bedroom.
In other words, if a woman is truly in love with her husband, and she is physically and psychologically healthy, she would never refuse intimacy. A man, on the other hand, could still lose sexual attraction for his wife, even if he still has deep feelings for her.
How does a woman fall out of love with her husband? Some of the most common answers below:
1. She never loved him
This happens especially with arranged marriage, or other types of marriage where the woman is under pressure to marry due to family-related reasons or financial reasons. In these cases, it might appear as a wife has, in fact, feelings for her husband before the marriage or shortly after, as she might pretend in order to make it work. However, most women won't be able to sustain this charade for long, and will eventually succumb to the pressure of having to keep it up. When this happens, refusing intimacy is usually among the first sign that a wife is contemplating to leave a husband the she never really loved.
2. She lost feelings because of him
In this very common scenario, the husband is mainly the culprit. As it happens, a few years into the marriage, both men and women tend to "relax", and their worst side which was previously hidden is now more prone to come to surface.
Many men tend to stop putting effort into seducing their wives daily, and as a consequence, their marital sex life is affected. In some cases, husbands become very absorbed into a home-work-home routine that eventually may cause dissatisfaction as the wife's expectations of the marital life might be different.
In some other situations, a husbands's financial situation might worsen, causing strain on the marriage. Due to various circumstances, it might not always be possible to get the money side of things back on track, despite efforts from both sides. However, men react differently to challenging situation and many husbands often forget the importance that the simple act of being able to provide for a woman and a family does to the marriage health, including intimacy.
3. She lost feelings due to other reasons
Lastly, it can also be that a woman falls out of love with her husband due to a number of reasons beyond the husband's control. This usually happens when the woman marries too early in her lifetime, or too soon into the relationship, and she was too young or too inexperienced when she made that decision. Women who marry too early or too soon might naturally have a change of heart later on. Just because a man and a woman were right for each other on the wedding day, it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be for the rest of their life. Perhaps we all just need to get over this, as harsh or painful it might be.
Sexless marriage advice for husbands when wife doesn't love you anymore
One thing is sure: if you see the signs that your wife is falling out of love with you, you need to act very quickly, as the longer you what to take action, the harder it will be to get her feelings to blossom again.
Whatever the reason among the 3 I discussed above, the worst thing you can do is to put more pressure on her, as that will only result in scaring her away.
The truth is, if the woman who initially chose you is now falling out of love with you it just means that you are not good enough for her anymore. Don't hate me for saying this, but I've seen this happening too many times: women bored of their husbands because these men have become too lazy, or simply because they don't show them enough passion, or ambition, or because they can't provide anymore.
The best way to get a woman to love you again is and will always be to step back and rebuild your life up to a higher level, whether it is personally or financially. You might even have to take the risk of letting her go to take time to build the best version of yourself. Who knows, maybe if you do this you might realize that your wife wasn't the right person for you, after all.
6. The 4 Red Flags of A Sexless Marriage
Many understand the imperative role intimacy serves in a marriage but few are usually aware when the quality of their love lives begins to wane. So what are the red flags that can be spotted in a union that’s losing its passion?
7. I Am In A Sexless Marriage. What Can I Do?
Are you in a sexless marriage or are you heading to a sexless marriage?
Here's what you do:
1) Take the sexless marriage quiz to find out your detailed profile and get a more personalized answer based on your exact situations. The quiz shouldn't take more than a few minutes to complete.
2) Follow the 5 easy tips given at the end of the quiz. At the end of the quiz you get access to a FREE guide containing 5 tips that I have put together after chatting with sexless couples that have healed their marriage (one of them was a former colleague of mine who was on a "sex hiatus" with his wife for over 10 years, and has now restored the intimacy in his marriage).
You can access the FREE guide after completing the quiz.
If you want to skip the quiz and jump straight to the guide (not recommended), you can get access to the guide here.
I've had good feedback from people who have tried to put the tips contained in the guide into practice.
To prevent spamming and for security reasons, I will send you the guide to your email address. This way you will also have my own personal @relationshipscope email address, that you can reply to and chat with me.
Try to put those tips into practice, and let me know if they help your situation, or any other feedback you might have. Whatever you have to say, it will help me producing better content. I am very busy but I try to answer all specific sexless marriages queries.
3) Join our secret Facebook Group to chat with people undergoing similar struggles in their marriage
Don't worry, the group is completely private and no one will ever find out that you are in it (unless of course, they join it too).
I also hang out in the group and try to answer questions on how to fix a sexless marriage.
Learn more about the group in my case study.
8. How to Fix a sexless marriage: A quick Answer?
Intimacy in marriage, just like any other facet of the union, requires time and devotion to blossom into the type of undying affection seen in couples whose unions last for decades. The truth is that there isn't a quick answer, or a one-size-fits-all packaged solution.
But here's something for you to remember:
Physical contact—and not just sex— in a couple should be taken very seriously.
Small acts such as holding hands while walking, verbally expressing affection towards each other and generally being amicable towards each other goes a long way in keeping the passion alive.
Did you take the quiz and found out your marriage is turning sexless?
Look, in life nothing is impossible. Even a marriage whose embers are dying can be sparked anew provided both partners put in the effort.
I will leave you with a few more tips on how to get a sexless marriage back on track:
- Openly communicate with each other, especially on matters of intimacy
- Do not allocate blame to each other and do not indulge in self-blame
- Plan more activities together and take time off to be with each other
- Give each other more space and time to be alone as well
- Stay attractive for each other - Keep fit, eat healthy, and keep your appearances noteworthy
9. Sexless marriage: An Open Discussion
The rise in sexless marriage is devastating news for humanity, because sex is what makes our life moving, and is what, ultimately, is the very essence of life because it creates life.
Denying the importance of sexual activities between a man and a woman is denying the very thing that makes us what we are as humans and as a species living on this Earth.
But perhaps the problem goes a little deeper.
We are mammals, after all, not much different from cats or monkeys. If other animals could talk to us, they would definitely be extremely perplexed and disappointed by what is happening to our society. Besides, have you ever heard of a sexless animal!?
But then again, most animals do not have monogamous relationships such as our human marriages, even though some animals do have only one partner, and they do mate for life.
And that brings me to the next point. It's almost like the very cause of sexless marriages is marriage itself. Bear with me on this one...
Have you ever considered that perhaps this problem would not exist if the institution of marriage did not exist either? In other words, it could be that humans are in fact, not monogamous animals. Maybe we're just not meant to be with one person for the rest of our life, and this is why marriages are declining and more and more marriages are turning sexless and unhappy.
But the anti-monogamy arguments holds water only when discussing sex. And what about love? What about affection? What about the emotional bond between two souls deciding to share a lifetime and build something together?
Personally, I don't feel comfortably denying the truth: that true love between two people, a man and a woman, exists on this Earth, and that this feeling is the very expression of life itself taking the most beautiful form.
The truth is that, is possible to live in an happy, monogamous sexual union. It's just that, for some reason, our own society has gotten a little bit in the way. But this is why I started writing this article today.
To explore this painful and delicate topic with an open mind, as I've always believed that through an analytical and open mind, things become clearer and a solution can be found for pretty much any "human" problem.
10. Case Study: Sexless Marriage Facebook Group
Back in 2017, I started a Facebook group called "Sexless Marriage Help" to create a community for couples living in a sexless marriage.
Let's take look at some of the statistics of the group.
As of today (February 2019), the group counts 574 active members, a +105% increase from last year.
Not only does this show how sexless marriages are increasing in rate, but also that more and more people in sexless marriages are choosing to actively look for real solutions to the problem.
Still, at 574 members and counting, the group is a pretty closed community. Each an every member is carefully screened before being admitted into the group.
Just to give you an idea, a whopping 2,918 requests to join the group have been received so far, and only 574 were approved: an approval rate of 19.7%.
We also take the group privacy very seriously (no one outside of the group can see you are a member) and the group is carefully moderated by a wonderful team doing a great job in keeping the group safe and spam-free.
Age and Gender statistics
The chart below shows the age and gender of the sexless marriage Facebook group members.
As of today, the vast majority of the group members are between 35 and 44 years of age. Much to my surprise, approximately 30% of the group members are between 25 and 34, which shows how this problem is now affecting the very young as well.
Gender-wise the group is pretty balanced, with 52.9% women versus 47.1% men, overall.
However, when looking at the individual age groups, significant differences in gender proportions emerge, an interesting trend is evident from this data:
1. Far more women aged 25 to 54 than men in the same age range are present in this group, looking for a solution to their sexless marriage.
2. Nearly the same amount of men and women aged 54-64 years old are present in this group, looking for a solution to their sexless marriage.
3. Far more men aged 65+ than women aged 65+ are present in this group, looking for a solution to their sexless marriage.
This data suggests that young and middle-aged women are still more interested in restoring the intimacy in their marriage, compared to men in the same age range, who would be more likely to resort to cheating or pornography, or simply divorce. However, from age 55 on out, the trend start reversing, with men looking for a solution more actively than women. This is likely the result of women losing their interest for sexual activities due to physical changes or other reasons that divert their energy away from intimacy in their own marriage
Welcome to my marriage and relationship advice blog! If you’re having intimacy issues in your marriage or relationship you’ve come to the right place. In this blog I share the best of the best on how to fix a sexless marriage and to deal with other intimacy-related problems.