Married But Lonely? Here’s How to Help Yourself and Your Relationship

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Marriage is supposed to be a time of happiness and joy, but for some people, it can be anything but that. If you are married but feel lonely, there are things you can do to help yourself and your relationship.

We will discuss ways to make you feel more connected to your spouse and improve your relationship. Don’t give up hope, follow these tips and learn to be happy again.

 

Is It Normal To Feel Lonely In A Marriage?

Feeling lonely in your marriage can’t be common can it? The whole point of marriage is that you have a partner for life. Someone to always be there with and for you.

Although we wish that marriage and loneliness couldn’t coexist, it’s actually much more common than you would think.

According to a 2018 AARP national survey, nearly 33% of married people over the age of 45 reported that they felt lonely.

So don’t worry, you are not alone. Just imagine 1 out of every 3 married people you know over the age of 45 feel the exact same way that you do.

 

What Causes Loneliness In Marriage

Single woman alone swinging on the beach and looking the other seat missing a boyfriend

The main reason that people feel lonely in their relationship is due to a lack of an emotional connection and/or communication with their partner.

This can happen for a number of reasons. Maybe you and your spouse have grown apart over the years and no longer have anything in common. Or, maybe you are going through a tough time and your partner is not being supportive.

Whatever the reason may be, it is important to try to communicate with your partner about how you are feeling.

Here are some ways that can cause couples to feel disconnected:

Spending To Much Time On Work Or Other Hobbies

Everyone needs a hobby or something that their passionate about but when it becomes your main interest in life it can cause issues in your relationship. If you spend more time thinking about your hobby than your spouse, you should realign your priorities.

Work is obviously an important factor in life. It is how we make our way in the world and survive. But it should never become more important than your spouse.

Here is an easy question to ask to see if your priorities are right – “Would you rather get your dream job but you could no longer be with your spouse, or would you rather get demoted to a worse job but have a happy relationship with your spouse?”

Having Different Interests

It is totally normal for spouses to have different interests. It can actually be a good thing! It gives you the opportunity to learn new things and grow as a person.

However, if your interests are so different that you can’t find anything to enjoy together, it might be an issue.

Try to find some common ground with your spouse. If you both like sports, go to a game together. Or, if you both like music, go see a concert together.

Finding things that you can enjoy together will help improve your relationship.

Lack Of Communication

One of the main reasons that couples feel disconnected is because they do not communicate with each other. This can happen for a number of reasons.

Maybe you are both so busy with work and other obligations that you don’t have time to talk. Or, maybe you are just not good at communicating your feelings in general.

Whatever the reason may be, it is important to try to communicate with your partner about how you are feeling and encourage the same from them.

Depression

Depression can make it hard to connect with other people, even your spouse. There may be nothing wrong with your marriage at all but if you are feeling depressed, it can make it nearly impossible to be happy.

If you are feeling depressed or anxious, it is important to seek help from a professional. They can diagnose you and help you to treat the depression and get your relationship back on track.

Not Spending Enough Time Together

This is a common issue in marriages. With work, children, and other obligations, it can be hard to find time to spend with your spouse.

However, it is important to make time for each other. Try to schedule date nights or weekend getaways.

Even if you can’t get away, try to spend some quality time together at home. Turn off your phones, put the kids to bed, and just focus on each other.

Financial Stressors

Money problems are one of the main reasons that couples fight. If you are constantly arguing about money, it can be a constant strain on the relationship.

Try to come up with a budget that you both can agree on and stick to it. Also, try to communicate about your financial goals and concerns. Money shouldn’t be a taboo topic in your relationship.

Different parenting styles

If you and your spouse have different parenting styles, it can be difficult to find a balance. One parent might be too lenient while the other is too strict.

It is important to try to find a middle ground that you both can agree on. Parenting is a team effort and you should both be on the same page.

Don’t take it personally if you have very different parenting styles, it is typically heavily influenced by how someone’s parents raised them when they were a child.

Illness Or Disability

If one spouse is dealing with an illness or disability, it can be a lot for the other spouse to handle. It is important to try to communicate and support each other through these tough times.

Illness and disability can put a strain on any relationship but if you are both patient and understanding, you can get through it together.

 

How To Improve Your Relationship

Couple sitting together

All of these things can put a strain on any relationship and can lead to feelings of loneliness. So what can you do to help improve things?

Communicate With Your Spouse

The most important step to try and improve the relationship is to be open and honest with your spouse. Tell them how you really feel.

Remind them of how things were when you were both happy. Be willing to listen to their thoughts and don’t invalidate their feelings if don’t agree with them. We all see the world in a different way.

Learn Each Other’s Love Language

One way to try and improve communication is to learn your spouse’s love language. Everyone expresses and receives love differently.

There are five different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Once you know your spouse’s love language, it will be easier to show them love in a way that they will understand.

Make Time For Each Other

It is so important to make time for each other, even if you are both busy. Schedule date nights or weekend getaways.

If you can’t get away, try to spend some quality time together at home. Put the phones away, focus on each other, and have some fun!

Be Willing To Compromise

In any relationship, it is crucial to be willing to compromise. If you are always trying to get your way, it will only lead to conflict.

Be willing to listen to your spouse’s point of view and try to see things from their perspective. It is so important to respect each other’s opinions and to be willing to compromise.

Seek Help From A Professional

If you are struggling to improve the relationship on your own, it might be helpful to seek help from a professional. They can help you learn how to communicate better and can give you tools to help get the relationship back on track.

 

How To Help Yourself

tennis racket

We have discussed some things to do with your partner to try and fix your relationship but there are also some things you can do completely on your own.

I know that it may seem counterintuitive to do things on your own when you want to improve your relationship as a couple.

But sometimes we need to get ourselves in an emotionally healthy place first, before we can try and solve some of the issues as a couple.

Here are 7 tips on how you can help yourself feel less lonely:

Get Involved In A Hobby

Do something that you love and make time for it. It can be anything from painting to hiking to playing an instrument.

Doing something that you are passionate about will make you feel good about yourself and help take your mind off your relationship.

Make Time For Friends And Family

Spending time with loved ones is so important. They can provide support and make you feel less alone. It is important to nurture these relationships and to make time for the people who matter to you.

Join A Support Group

If you are struggling with your relationship, there are probably others who are too. There are many different types of support groups available.

You can find one that is specific to your situation or you can find a general support group for people in unhappy relationships.

Get A Pet

Pets are so therapeutic and can provide companionship when you are feeling lonely. They can also help to reduce stress and anxiety.

If you are considering getting a pet, make sure you are prepared to take care of it and that it is the right decision for you.

Take A Class

Learning something new can help you feel more confident and can help take your mind off of your relationship. It is also a great way to meet new people. There are many different types of classes available, so you are sure to find one that interests you.

Exercise

Exercise is a great way to boost your mood and to reduce stress. It is also a great way to get out of the house and meet new people.

Volunteer

Giving back to the community can help you feel good about yourself and can make you feel less alone. There are many different options thru churches, shelters, schools, etc.  Just find something you are passionate about and go and try and serve those people.

 

Final Thoughts

If you are married but feeling lonely, it is important to try and identify and fix the issues in the relationship. Although it is quite common, it is still not a part of a healthy relationship.

There are many things you can do to help yourself and your relationship. If you are struggling, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Remember, you are not alone.

 

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