5 Easy Tips To Get Your Husband To Respect You
When a married woman that loves her husband complains about him, in a way or another, it almost always boils down to: “I wish my husband would respect me more”. Whether it has to do with their behavior around the house or outside, in front of friends/ relatives or just one-to-one, men can be real “d*ks” at times… Unintentionally and, yes, even intentionally.
Yet, as someone with extensive experience of dealing with these sorts of scenarios, both with women I have dated and while coaching other couples, I can state with confidence the following:
When most women ask for more “respect” from their husbands, they are not 100% clear as to what they really mean… So much that they might in fact end up being more unhappy in their marriage should they actually get what they want, or they say they want.
A classic example of this is when a woman complains about her husband not respecting her opinion, but deep down wouldn’t want her husband to respect it so much that he wouldn’t challenge it, and eventually take charge.
So, before we dive in into this little informative and incredibly useful guide (a bit of self-love from me to me!), I feel I just need to clarify one important point.
A man can disrespect his woman in many forms, modes and shapes. It all comes down to what are the boundaries that you both have drawn in your relationship/marriage around what you call “respect”. This means that there will be some situations where your judgment will be challenged, as certain behaviours might be “just acceptable” for some people, not so much for others.
Along these lines, some typical examples of what qualifies as “borderline” disrespectful behavior attributed to their husband by the women I have talked to, and the questions I have asked them (and that you should ask yourself…)
1. Looking at other women when he’s with you…
Q: Is this being done repeatedly? Does it often throw just a glance or does he stare in a continuous manner? Is this being done in a way that makes you intolerably uncomfortable (such as, for example, by comparing you to those women he stared at)?
2. Picking on you in front of family members or friends…
Q: Is the nature of the comments derogative and insulting or they are made in a playful way? Are the comments repeated on multiple occasions or it’s just a once-in-while occurrence?
3. Not checking with you before making certain decisions…
Q: Big or small decisions? What’s a big decision for you? Is choosing his perfume as big of a decision as choosing a house to live in?
4. Not respecting your opinion…
Q. Does this happen just with you or with his family and friends as well? Does this happen on all matters or only on those he thinks you might not have a say? Do you just need to give him your opinion on all matters, including those you think you don’t have a say?
And the list goes on…
As you can probably tell, there is just too much “gray” in this discussion (as a few simple questions have probably revealed) that it’s easier for me to say this:
Define your level of tolerance clearly, define what you can and cannot take, and master your emotional control when it comes to drawing this line between what’s just “not acceptable” and what just falls within the realm of what you’re simply not used to or perhaps not willing to learn to tolerate.
Oh, and while you’re there, just remember these 3 important things as well:
- We are all humans and as humans make mistakes
- We might even repeat the same mistake again, even if we try hard not to, and quite frankly, that’s OK…
- Just because he doesn’t respect you (according to your judgment) doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a not-so-fine line to draw when it comes to certain things. And if you ask me, abusive behaviors of any kinds (physical or emotional), from both sides should never be tolerated or “sugarcoated”.
Back to your question: “how do I get my husband to respect me more?”, I have prepared a list of the 5 best tips to help you achieve that. Just promise me that you’ll handle yourself in the process!
1. Respect him
This is first off. He can’t possibly show you any form of what you define respect, if you are not willing to do the same with him. There’s no other way around it. Do you respect his space? His alone time? His time with his friends or family members? His opinions? Make sure you show him clearly how much you value him as a man, as a husband, as a father and provider. Make sure there isn’t even the slight shadow of a doubt in his mind as to where you stand on this matter. He will then have a clear reference point in his mind of what it’s expected of him.
2. Listen to him
Most couples I meet (and most people, for that matter) are not actually capable of truly listen to one another. They can hear what’s being said to them, but listening is another story. Sometimes all you have to do is let your husband talk and express himself without interrupting. This way you’ll show him that you care about what he has to say, and he will be more willing to reciprocate. You’ll also learn more about him if you let him talk more. Remember that the key to solve any marriage issues is good communication. Make sure he listens when you talk as well. Stop from time to time while you are doing the talking to check that he’s actually listening before continuing. Get the point across that you won’t be saying anything unless you have his full attention and focus.
3. Do not nag
I am yet to meet a husband that respects his wife more when she nags him or judge him constantly. He will be annoyed, stressed, or even scared… but he won’t respect her more. If anything, he will respect her less as he will think of her as someone that needs constant pleasing, just like a child does, rather than as an equal, respectful companion and partner. Make sure you always talk to him as an equal too, and that you communicate clearly with him your thoughts, hopes and dreams, without imposing your view or let your ego get in the way.
4. Do not smother him
It is important that you create a good balance in your emotional dynamics with your husband in your daily life. Try to avoid calling him too often or making him feel suffocated, even when you miss him. Show him that you have an interesting life, with or without him. Remember to constantly invest in yourself to always show an attractive physique and personality. Don’t forget the importance of your alone-time, and the time you spend with your family and friends. Remember also to try new things, both with and without him. Always plan to keep some little, innocuous secrets, that you plan to tell him bit by bit, and make it fun and playful. Make him feel proud to be your husband, and that his wife is someone interesting and fun, but also a person worth of attention and respect.
5. Challenge him
Last, but not least, if you want your husband to respect you more, you shouldn’t make it too easy for him to get what he wants. Make it a point to always make him “chase” a little bit to obtain something that you know he wants badly. Don’t play too hard to get, but keep a nice, flowing, and playful vibe with him. This is especially important for all the ladies that struggle with intimacy issues. To make your husband respect you, and also want you more, he should always see you as some sort of healthy challenge. Something that he knows he could get but only if he puts enough effort into it. Because the moment every thought, word and action becomes predictable, his interest for you is at risk of fading away, and along with it, his respect.
In conclusion, every human being (and living thing) is worth of what we call “respect” whether it’s you, your husband, your family members, or literally anyone else. However, you need to remember that all people see life through different lenses, and in a marriage it’s important to define the “lines” very clearly to avoid serious trouble. But make sure that your own ego does not interfere in influencing or manipulating your expectations of your husband, or else there will be further misunderstandings that can be detrimental or even irreparable.
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