Why A Sexless Marriage Will Never Work And What To Do About It
The loss of intimacy in marriage ranks high among the reasons why marriages fail. While most people’s definition of intimacy revolves around the act of pleasuring one another in a physical capacity, contrasting opinions paint intimacy as an emotional bond which sometimes can be manifested physically through sexual intercourse.
Regardless, the loss of intimacy in marriage can be detrimental to the growth and continuity of the partnership. Many understand the imperative role sex serves in a marriage but few are usually aware when the quality of their love lives begins to wane. So what are the warning signs that can be observed in a union that’s losing its passion?
· Communication becomes utilitarian – Communication between spouses is reduced to nothing more than a medium for relaying information. There is no warmth or affection in the way the couple interacts with each other.
· Either one or both spouses divert their attentions elsewhere. The new recipient of their attention could be the root of the intimacy problems, such as a new lover, or it could be viewed as a substitute outlet for their affection.
· Sharing a bed with your spouse loses its meaning. Instead of providing a platform for expressing your love physically, it starts to feel ordinary or even boring.
· Either one or both spouses is of the opinion that sex no longer has a role to play in the union. It could be because they believe they’ve had enough children or no longer feel obliged to put in the effort.
Can a Marriage Survive Intimacy Issues?
Ultimately, a sexless marriage crumbles. As much as some spouses strongly believe that they can still be together even if intimacy of any kind is off the table, the cracks begin to show sooner or later.
Sometimes it comes down to the biology of human beings. Men, for instance, are highly sexual beings. A lack of intimacy can lead to frustration and a declined self-esteem. In the long term, other casualties of a sexless marriage may include a deflated ego.
For women, their perspective on intimacy is not as focused on the physical aspect of it as men’s is. Nevertheless, the emotional satisfaction they derive from intimate acts such as intercourse and other sexual activities is crucial to their emotional well-being. A lack of intimacy can be interpreted as neglect which eventually escalates to self-blame for their partner’s lack of affection towards them. In due course, the result is similar: the loss of self-confidence, bitterness, and guilt.
Nipping Intimacy Issues in the Bud
Intimacy in marriage, just like any other facet of the union, requires time and devotion to blossom into the type of undying affection seen in couples whose unions last for decades. Physical contact—and not just sex—should be taken seriously. For instance, small acts such as holding hands while walking, verbally expressing affection towards each other and generally being amicable towards each other goes a long way in keeping the passion alive.
Ideally, your marriage should not be based on anything other than love. Marriages founded on convenience often come to a grinding halt after all the initial fire is spent. Similarly, the passion in a marriage can fade if the union was made before the couple had a chance to fully know their better halves. Before jumping into a lifelong union with someone, envision the hard times with them as well. The strength of any union is often revealed during the hardest of times.
Fixing a Sexless Marriage
Fortunately, even a marriage whose embers are dying can be sparked anew provided both partners put in the effort. Here are some tips on how to get a sexless marriage back on track:
· Openly communicate with each other – For the marriage to come back to life, the couple has to revert to their original ways of communication. There should be more verbal expressions of affection and open conversations especially when it pertains to their intimacy.
· Couples should not allocate blame to their better halves – This only leads to more bitterness.
· Plan more activities together and take time off to be with each other – This can be as simple as watching a movie together or planning a much-needed retreat for just the two of you.
· Stay attractive for each other – Keep fit, eat healthy, and keep your appearances noteworthy. This will especially work if the root cause of the problem was the fading of the couple’s attraction to each other.
· Spend more time together but with moderation – Give your spouse plenty of time and space to avoid getting bored again.
· If all else fails, seek the services of a marriage counselor and learn the best way forward.
Intimacy issues can be resolved. Most importantly, both spouses should ensure that the physical and emotional needs of their better halves are satisfied fully. Together with good communication, this can form the basis of a strong, loving commitment between two people.